Humor Threesome

Humor Threesome

1. Bon Apetit

"Excuse me, waiter, but your finger is in my soup!"
"Yes," replied the server, "I have a fungus under my nail and my doctor told me to keep it warm and moist."
The irate customer snapped, "Then why don't you just stick it up your ass?"
The waiter immediately replied, "Oh, that's what I do when I'm in the kitchen!"

2. Rock'n Roll Heaven

Jerry Garcia awoke in an all-white recording studio, surrounded by instruments.
Jimi Hendrix and Duane Allman were tuning their guitars. John Lennon was seated at the piano.
Janis Joplin and Buddy Holly were warming up.
As he plugged into his amp, an awestruck Garcia murmured, "Wow! There really is a rock 'n' roll heaven!"
Elvis Presley said to him, "Heaven?" just as Karen Carpenter sat down at the drums and said, "Okay, people. 'Close To You' in E-flat. One, two, one, two..."

3. Good News/Bad News

Doctor: "I have good news and bad news, Liz."
Liz: "What's the good news, Doc?"
Doc: "Your lab tests came back today and your crabs are gone."
Liz: "Gee, that's great! But what's the bad news?"
Doctor: "We don't know what killed them!"





Cambridge Co-eds Asked To Quell Passion ... Why?
CAMBRIDGE, England -- If you've got a post-graduate degree, Voyeurwebbers, you might want to consider "tuning up" your education by obtaining a fellowship grant to study at England's Cambridge University. I only mention this because things in the ivy-covered halls have changed considerably in the past decade or so and university life has become much more fun ... er ... I mean, much more geared to the serious student.Here's why:
All 400 undergraduate students at historic Cambridge University's all-women Newham College have been asked to tone down their love life. The young women were sent a polite e-mail asking the to be more "discreet" when in the throes of passion after Newham College's student union received 30 complaints about the noise.
Newnham College undergraduate president Lizzy Cole sent the message asking them to quell their passion so others could get a good night's sleep.
Miss Cole, 19, who was on last year's Cambridge University Challenge team, said that while Newnham had a reputation for being "slutty" the e-mail did not just refer to sex.
Boyfriends are allowed to stay in student rooms at the 139-year-old college for two days before they have to register for a spare room.
One Newnham undergraduate, 20, said: "It's just so embarrassing to think that people have been listening in. I was blushing when I got the email.
"You try to keep it down, but it's easy to forget the walls are so thin if you get a bit carried away. This sort of thing must happen at every university in the country. Only in Cambridge would your fellow students complain. They'll be handing out ear plugs next."




Rear of the Year by K.
There is an annual event in Britain, Voyeurwebbers, that not only reflects Britons' eccentric sense of humor, but the national pride they take in their expertise at identifying a really great rear end on a woman. The event is called the "Rear of the Year", with various categories, so naturally Eye likes to keep a close watch on the event.
The nominations for this year's Rear of the Year awards have barely begun -- the winners will be announced in June at a gala ceremony at London's Dorchester Hotel -- and a buzz is brewing about an unexpected nominee who is rising up the list in on-line nomination polls. Eye should mention that the Rear of the Year top award goes to the British woman deemed to have the best-looking rear in a tight pair of jeans, which may explain why Wizard Jeans is hosting this year's event.
The reason for the buzz is Harriet Harman who, at first glance, seems an odd nominee. For one thing, Ms. Harmon is an MP (Member of Parliament) representing the Camberwell and Peckham district, and is also a leader of the House of Commons, and Minister for Women in the British cabinet.
She is known for her staunch feminist views, wants pictures of the scantily clad young women known as Page 3 girls banned from the workplace, wants the term "chairman" banned as being sexist -- and has been nominated for the annual Rear of the Year award. No one seems to know for sure if the nominations were from admirers of Ms. Harman's derrier, or merely tongue-in-cheek ... pun intended.
Nonetheless, earlier this week Ms. Harman had already received 12 nominations, according to Rear of the Year organizer Tony Edwards.
"These are not large numbers but a dozen nominations in one week usually indicates encouragement on a fan-based website or an organized group effort of some kind," Edwards told local news media.
"During the past month we've received flurries of votes inspired by celebrities on Strictly Come Dancing, Celebrity Dancing on Ice and various TV soaps, but we're surprised to see the MP for Camberwell and Peckham among the latest nominations," said Edwards, then rattled off a couple of double entendres that Eye liked.
One: "Perhaps some of Labour's (Britain's Labour Party) backbenchers have decided to get behind her in the competition."
Two: "These are early days with a further four months of voting to go so it would be premature to talk about a winner from the world of politics or whether Ms Harman's seat is set for the spotlight."
So there you have it, Voyeurwebbers. The Rear of the Year contest just got underway and already the drama, tension, and anticipation of seeing some British women with great rear ends are building. Will Harriet Hartman have the best bum in Britain, or will that hot, sexy young newcomer Lady Gaga wiggle away with the top prize for the best bottom?
Rest assured, Voyeurwebbers, Eye will keep a close watch on British women's rear ends -- and those of whole lot of women in other countries -- between now and June. It's easy. You can do it, too. All you have to do is browse through any or all of VW's sections. It's a good thing the Rear of the Year contest isn't until June, Eye can almost get a tenth of the way through VW's archive, Funbags, by then. K.