2-Fer

2-Fer

1. Punctuation

An English professor wrote the words: "A woman without her man is nothing." on the chalkboard and asked his students to punctuate it correctly.
All of the males in the class wrote: "A woman, without her man, is nothing."
All the females in the class wrote: "A woman: without her, man is nothing."

-- Editor: Punctuation is powerful, hehehe!

2. Australian Investment Advice

In 2001, if you had bought $1,000 of One-Tel stock, it would now be worth about $9 to you as an unsecured creditor if you are lucky.
In 2002, if you had bought HIH stock, you would have about $6.50 left of the original $1,000 investment.
In 2003, if you had gone overseas and bought ENRON, you would have less than $5 left.
But, If you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer in early 2009 - one year ago, drank all the beer, then turned the aluminum cans in for the recycling price, you would have $24!
Based on the above, the best investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.

-- Editor: Yep, and if you saved that $24 each year, in 40 years you can buy another $1,000 worth of beer, so you're actually recycling on two levels, hehehe!




Italian Brouhaha Over Pussy-Eating Comment!
ROME, Italy -- Ask anyone who has experienced it, Voyeurwebbers, and they will tell you that there's a right way and a wrong way to eat a pussy. Yet, in Italy, that very topic has gotten an Italian TV chef in a heap of hot water.
Beppe Bigazzi, a food expert on the TV program "The Cook's Challenge", was recently suspended from his job for telling the television audience about the wonders of "tender, white cat meat". Chef Bigazzi, 77, also told how to tenderize cat meat by leaving it under running water for three days before cooking it into "a delight".
Before you could say "catfight", the Italian Animal Protection Agency had its claws out, caterwauling that Bigazzi be permanently scratched from the program.
"Anyone who goes on television to promote the taste of cat meat is guilty of instigating viewers to commit an act of cruelty to animals, a crime punishable by up to 18 months in prison," the group said in a statement.
Chef Bigazzi later said he was talking about cats that were cooked in Tuscany, Italy, during food shortages of the Great Depression and World War II in the 1930s and 1940s, and was not recommending people today cook cats.
"I was just talking about an old tradition," he said.




'A Delicate Way' by K.
Eye has always been fascinated with the way language applies to men and women, Voyeurwebbers. For example, it is said that horses "sweat", men "perspire" and women "glow"; and women are "in a delicate way" or are "expecting" when other women talk, but when men talk, women are "pregnant", "preggo", "have a bun in the oven" or some other indelicate way of describing a woman in a "delicate way".
This leads Eye to today's column, which is about two different women apparently getting in a "delicate way" in an indelicate way. Confused? You won't be for long.
Our first pregnant woman has filed paternity claims against six separate inmates of a Romanian prison near the city of Iasi, where mother-to-be Raluca Dionescu says any one of the six convicts she met while working part-time as a cleaner at the jail could be the father.
As a result, the prisoners, who range in age from 24 to 25, will have to submit to blood and DNA tests.
Ms. Dionescu admitted she had enjoyed steamy, indelicate sessions with the inmates in the prison's laundry room.
"I couldn't resist some of the men," Ms. Dionescu explained. "I didn't think of them as criminals or the crimes they committed. What I want now, though, is to find out which one is the father of my child," she told Romanian news media.
Ms. Dionescu has six possible inmates who could be the one who indelicately got her in an indelicate way through the sneaky doing of the most enjoyable. Let's see ... Eye thinks she should she take the inmate behind cell No. 2 or cell No. 3.
You aren't still confused, are you?
Well, don't worry, you'll be thoroughly befuddled after the next item, which takes us to Cairo, where a Polish woman from Warsaw is suing an Egyptian hotel, claiming her teenage daughter got in a delicate way from swimming in the hotel's allegedly indelicate pool.
Eye wasn't kidding about the "befuddled" part, Voyeurwebbers.
The unique claim surfaced as M.K., the mother, demanded compensation after her 13-year-old daughter came back from the family vacation in a delicate way or, to put it indelicately, the daughter was pregnant (i.e. she has a bun in the oven).
Further confusing things, tourism authorities in Warsaw confirmed they had received the M.K.'s complaint which states that the girl conceived because of stray sperm in the pool.
"The mother is adamant that her daughter didn't meet any boys while she was there and is determined to go ahead with the case," said one Warsaw travel industry source.
As Eye sees it, Voyeurwebbers, there are at least six possibilities in this confusing case. Regrettably, they are all too indelicate for Eye to mention here. K.