2-Fer

2-Fer

1. Punctuation

An English professor wrote the words: "A woman without her man is nothing." on the chalkboard and asked his students to punctuate it correctly.
All of the males in the class wrote: "A woman, without her man, is nothing."
All the females in the class wrote: "A woman: without her, man is nothing."

-- Editor: Punctuation is powerful, hehehe!

2. Australian Investment Advice

In 2001, if you had bought $1,000 of One-Tel stock, it would now be worth about $9 to you as an unsecured creditor if you are lucky.
In 2002, if you had bought HIH stock, you would have about $6.50 left of the original $1,000 investment.
In 2003, if you had gone overseas and bought ENRON, you would have less than $5 left.
But, If you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer in early 2009 - one year ago, drank all the beer, then turned the aluminum cans in for the recycling price, you would have $24!
Based on the above, the best investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.

-- Editor: Yep, and if you saved that $24 each year, in 40 years you can buy another $1,000 worth of beer, so you're actually recycling on two levels, hehehe!




Italian Brouhaha Over Pussy-Eating Comment!
ROME, Italy -- Ask anyone who has experienced it, Voyeurwebbers, and they will tell you that there's a right way and a wrong way to eat a pussy. Yet, in Italy, that very topic has gotten an Italian TV chef in a heap of hot water.
Beppe Bigazzi, a food expert on the TV program "The Cook's Challenge", was recently suspended from his job for telling the television audience about the wonders of "tender, white cat meat". Chef Bigazzi, 77, also told how to tenderize cat meat by leaving it under running water for three days before cooking it into "a delight".
Before you could say "catfight", the Italian Animal Protection Agency had its claws out, caterwauling that Bigazzi be permanently scratched from the program.
"Anyone who goes on television to promote the taste of cat meat is guilty of instigating viewers to commit an act of cruelty to animals, a crime punishable by up to 18 months in prison," the group said in a statement.
Chef Bigazzi later said he was talking about cats that were cooked in Tuscany, Italy, during food shortages of the Great Depression and World War II in the 1930s and 1940s, and was not recommending people today cook cats.
"I was just talking about an old tradition," he said.




'A Delicate Way' by K.
Eye has always been fascinated with the way language applies to men and women, Voyeurwebbers. For example, it is said that horses "sweat", men "perspire" and women "glow"; and women are "in a delicate way" or are "expecting" when other women talk, but when men talk, women are "pregnant", "preggo", "have a bun in the oven" or some other indelicate way of describing a woman in a "delicate way".
This leads Eye to today's column, which is about two different women apparently getting in a "delicate way" in an indelicate way. Confused? You won't be for long.
Our first pregnant woman has filed paternity claims against six separate inmates of a Romanian prison near the city of Iasi, where mother-to-be Raluca Dionescu says any one of the six convicts she met while working part-time as a cleaner at the jail could be the father.
As a result, the prisoners, who range in age from 24 to 25, will have to submit to blood and DNA tests.
Ms. Dionescu admitted she had enjoyed steamy, indelicate sessions with the inmates in the prison's laundry room.
"I couldn't resist some of the men," Ms. Dionescu explained. "I didn't think of them as criminals or the crimes they committed. What I want now, though, is to find out which one is the father of my child," she told Romanian news media.
Ms. Dionescu has six possible inmates who could be the one who indelicately got her in an indelicate way through the sneaky doing of the most enjoyable. Let's see ... Eye thinks she should she take the inmate behind cell No. 2 or cell No. 3.
You aren't still confused, are you?
Well, don't worry, you'll be thoroughly befuddled after the next item, which takes us to Cairo, where a Polish woman from Warsaw is suing an Egyptian hotel, claiming her teenage daughter got in a delicate way from swimming in the hotel's allegedly indelicate pool.
Eye wasn't kidding about the "befuddled" part, Voyeurwebbers.
The unique claim surfaced as M.K., the mother, demanded compensation after her 13-year-old daughter came back from the family vacation in a delicate way or, to put it indelicately, the daughter was pregnant (i.e. she has a bun in the oven).
Further confusing things, tourism authorities in Warsaw confirmed they had received the M.K.'s complaint which states that the girl conceived because of stray sperm in the pool.
"The mother is adamant that her daughter didn't meet any boys while she was there and is determined to go ahead with the case," said one Warsaw travel industry source.
As Eye sees it, Voyeurwebbers, there are at least six possibilities in this confusing case. Regrettably, they are all too indelicate for Eye to mention here. K.

Even 2 More Quickies

Even 2 More Quickies

1. At The Car Dealership

A lady walked into a Lexus dealership just to browse. Suddenly she spotted the most beautiful car that she had ever seen and walked over to inspect it. As she bent forward to feel the fine leather upholstery, an unexpected little fart escaped.
Embarrassed, she anxiously looked around to see if anyone had noticed and hoped a salesperson hadn't been near. But, as she turned back, there, standing next to her, was a salesman.
With a pleasant smile he greeted her, "Good day, Madame. How may we help you today?"
Trying to maintain an air of sophistication and acting as though nothing had happened, she smiled back and asked, "Sir, what is the price of this lovely vehicle?"
Still smiling pleasantly, he replied, "Madame, I'm very sorry to say that, if you farted simply from touching it, you are going to shit when you hear the price."

2. Why Men Have Better Friends

Women's Friends: A woman didn't come home one night. The next day she told her husband that she had slept over at a friend's house.
The husband called his wife's 10 best friends. None of them knew what she was talking about.

Men's Friends: A man didn't come home one night. The next day he told his wife that he had slept over at a friend's house.
The wife called her husband's 10 best friends. Eight of them confirmed that he had slept over, and two claimed he was still there.




Embedded Text Messages Ruin Relationship
WINNIPEG, Manitoba, Canada -- Maintaining a relationship can be difficult enough at times, Voyeurwebbers, but technology may now be making it even more difficult. Consider the case of a 49-year-old man in Winnipeg, Manitoba, Canada, who recently bought a new Samsung Virgin Mobil phone.
Suggestive text messages embedded in a new cellphone cost the man his relationship when his girlfriend discovered them, said officials. The man, who didn't want to be identified, told the Winnipeg journalists his girlfriend of more than two years found the messages on the phone and a break-up fight ensued.
He said he didn't even know the Samsung Virgin Mobile phone was text-equipped, but the three messages that came with the phone cost him the relationship. They included "Booty call," "Where u at," and "Be there soon," according to news reports.
He said Virgin Mobile advised him to file a written complaint.
The man also showed the messages to staff at the Future Shop store where he bought the cellphone.
"At first, we didn't believe him," said a sales associate. "But when we looked at a couple of the same [model] phones he bought, and found they all had the same messages ... we all felt horrible."




Strip Clubs by K.
While freedom of expression and freedom of choice won a victory last week in the U.S. state of Maryland's Montgomery County, Voyeurwebbers, a few states southwest of Maryland efforts are being made to do just the opposite.
In Jefferson City, Missouri, members of the state Senate gave preliminary approval of legislation that may change the "show me" state, into the "don't show me" state.
The legislation would placing far-reaching restrictions on adult-entertainment businesses in Missouri, and may continue on a legislative fast track due to a federal investigation.
State Sen. Matt Bartle presented the bill on the Senate floor just two days after he appeared before a federal grand jury in Kansas City, Missouri, to answer questions about the defeat of a nearly identical bill in 2005.
To become law, legislation approved Thursday must be voted on once more in the Senate, passed through the state House and ultimately signed by the governor. But if successful, it would represent a sea change for adult-oriented businesses.
Among the legislation's provisions: Nudity would be banned in strip clubs. Semi-nude dancers would have to stay at least six feet away from and not touch patrons. Adult businesses would have to close between midnight and 6 a.m. and could not sell alcohol. Adult businesses could not be opened within 1,000 feet of a school, church, day-care facility, library, park, residence or another adult business.
If upheld in court, the law probably would shut down strip clubs and adult bookstores, said attorney Dick Bryant, who represents about a dozen adult entertainment businesses in the Kansas City area.
As Eye sees it, Voyeurwebbers, banning nudity in strip clubs violates the constitutional right to freedom of expression for the dancers, and violates freedom of choice for both the dancers and the club's customers, as does the proposed ban on selling alcohol in adult entertainment establishments. Eye also thinks the Missouri state legislature has more important issues to deal with these days than putting the employees of 12 local businesses out of work. K.

THURSDAY, FEBRUARY 11, 2010

THURSDAY, FEBRUARY 11, 2010

　

　

Today's Cryptogram

Cryptogram for February 11 Below is today's love quote cryptogram (single letter substitution): ZY ZHV HJZRYGYL VKJJYVV QZU ZHV NRGYL QYNN, NHKWZYL UBFYP, HPL NUGYL CKJZ.....TYVVRY VFHPNYS Answer to yesterday's cryptogram: Try praising your wife, even if it does frighten her at first..... Billy Sunday

　

(Hint: It's an inspirational quote or bit o' wisdom, with the name of the person who is credited as having said it.)

Cryptogram

"XJZV CAXRY OAX PGMY CX EGLZ
FMYGCZV QGJ YBYM GQALYBY
FMYGCZV." --MXNYMC E.
IYJJYPV

My Decoded Version

"---- ----- --- ---- -- ----
------- --- ---- -------
-------." -------- -.
-------

The Encrypted Letter
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
represents
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z -

A	B	C	D	E	F	G	H	I	J	K	L	M
-	-	-	-	-	-	-	-	-	-	-	-	-
3	2	5	0	2	2	6	0	1	4	0	2	6
N	O	P	Q	R	S	T	U	V	W	X	Y	Z
-	-	-	-	-	-	-	-	-	-	-	-	-
1	1	2	2	1	0	0	0	4	0	5	11	4

Reset

Yesterday's Cryptogram Answer, and Today's Quote of the Day, is:

"Expect trouble as an inevitable part of life and when it comes, hold your head high, look it squarely in the eye and say, "I will be bigger than you. You cannot defeat me." --Ann Landers

R XYK'B WRFP BY GJQAP CL MPAGYKQW WRTP...RB VYNWXK'B DP MPAGYKQW RT R GJQAPX RB

ZPYAZP HWYYKPL

　

　

GFBK OV JDK CKGOTDJQAG OHJKSBYG EKJNKKH IKKJOHT Y EKYAJOQAG TOSG YHC COVUFBKSOHT JDYJ VDK GFFLV GOLK Y DYCCFUL

XFDH EYSSZIFSK

　

　

O SYDA NFP KLA ZYHC NU BSOTS HU MAAP YWA IFORAR, YLR PSYP OX PSA ZYHC KM AECAWOALTA. O QLKB LK BYU KM VFRIOLI PSA MFPFWA NFP NU PSA CYXP. FLQLKBL

Y8X8YHYYNYY82MFSJMKM23GM2Z4SVAJMMMHDFM1S5ZBVRV5CQF535ZG6TZQZUZVZ3ZC8XAGEG8Y418YN4MPS8S2M197M2MPMRQUS231M2M2ZGV9Z2Z3ZKZ5ZJVQKTVW45M4Z5R3AQ92W78Z6X8Y3UMH3PA2MRD2MMM3S3MPM2SAM2HJVR3H61Z5MVZVTHV466V5ZJB5Y5M

I HAVE BUT ONE LAMP BY WHICH MY FEET ARE GUIDED, AND THAT IS THE LAMP OF EXPERIENCE. I KNOW NO WAY OF JUDGING THE FUTURE BUT BY THE PAST. UNKNOWN

　

2/11 ZX GXQ HKYAE HKS ZSLXRTJHYR ZXAESG JAZ TSVQIBYRJA SBSVKJAH RXQBZ IS RXACYZSTSZ VJTHG JAYLJBC?

Y868YHYYBYY82MFSJMKM2NGM2Z4SVAJMRMPDFM1S5ZBVRV5UQF535ZG6TZQZBZVZ3ZC8X9G4G8Y518YN4MPS8SRM397M2MPMRQUS231M2M2ZGV9Z3Z4ZKZ5ZJVQKTVG35M4Z5R3AQ9ZWM8Z6X8Y3UMH3PS2MRD2MMM3S3MPM2SAM2HJVR3R6UZ5MVZVTHV46665ZJB5Y5M

2/11 DO YOU THINK THE DEMOCRATIC DONKEY AND REPUBLICAN ELEPHANT COULD BE CONSIDERED PARTY ANIMALS?

　

Today's Crypto Number (2215) (Thursday)
RFH BHZBSH YFZ CVH VHNCVQHQ CW UZVCS STUJPCVJHW CVH RFZWH YFZ EZVHNZ ZVQJPCVD BSHCWTVHW RFHUWHSIHW CPQ EJPQ MZUBHPWCRJZP JP JPRHVEHVJPN YJRF RFH BSHCWTVHW ZE ZRFHVW.--LHVRVCPQ VTWWHSS
Hint: R=T

　

Yesterday's Answer Number(390) (Wednesday) BTLI TE AMWF Y GYH ZFYZ HNM GNMBR ENZ CI YAFYUIR ZN AIBB HNMK DYKKNZ ZN ZFI ZNGE VNAATD.--GTBB KNVIKA Live in such a way that you would not be ashamed to sell your parrot to the town gossip.--Will Rogers

　

　

Wordles Thought for the Day:

The man who has no inner life is a slave to his surroundings.
-henriFrederic Amiel

SPGW E HGFVJW HYEWV ZJ VQHGFICVG E ZFCH ZJ GQFJHG, SCYY PG JIGFVGE CZ?
Hint: G = E